PREMISE

I’ve been quite busy lately handling all my responsibilities. In mid October, I was invited to preach in Prague, by one of  the family of churches to which I belong, a kind and generous community I greet and thank for honoring me with such an opportunity. I then took part in the Teaching Ministry at my local congregation with an in depth  lesson on a theme quite unexplored to me, the Holy Spirit. 

It was the first time I was invited to preach in a different country (although I have done many sharings and communions) and taught a lesson in front of my local congregation and hopefully not my last. However, they were both quite time consuming and it left me with little time to progress on the tasks I set out in this newsletter. At least, both of my accomplishments were successful. 

To not come less to my monthly commitment, I’ve decided to present an updated version of the sermon I preached in Prague since the theme, ‘Wrestling with the human condition’, is pertinent to the topics discussed in this newsletter. Indeed, it’s one of the main concerns regarding the Christian worldview, or to be more precise, one of the greatest reasons for disbelief, or for struggling in our relationship with God. In many cases the Problem of Suffering can foster the process of deconstruction and distancing oneself from faith. I will journey deeply into this topic one day, but in the meantime, I think it would be helpful to present an example of  how a biblical hero wrestled with God and the suffering that surrounded him.

EXTRACT OF THE SERMON

(Reminder, this is taken from a sermon, which obviously was  thought primarily for a christian audience, yet even if you are not,  you might find it insightful.) 

Being human means being capable of giving and receiving love, feeling joy, peace, completion, pleasure, growth, and goodness, engaging in meaningful actions, exciting adventures, witnessing beauty and so much more. Yet,  there is the flip side of the coin that we cannot ignore as it won’t bring us or those close to us any benefit, but mostly because it is all too present all around us.
Death, suffering, disease, injustice, corruption, failure, evil dwell among us at all times. We become aware of their presence, hopefully seldomly, especially when it happens to someone we have established a personal relationship with or when it looms over us. Part of being alive means being fragile, futile and fallible (see appendix A). That is our human condition. We are prone to diseases and death, the work of our hands will be quickly forgotten, and regardless of our moral striving we keep on messing up, often catastrophically. Meer acknowledgement and awareness though doesn’t truly help us and unfortunately there is no universal all encompassing law that reveals how to deal with our human condition, not even the Bible.

It’s a delicate and complex problem wrestling with our human condition. I feel unprepared and without answer, even if I have experienced at times its fierceness at a young age. I’ve tried to loo for answers everywhere and couldn’t find anything that could quench the thirst that my heart longed to be satisfied. That desperate need for an answer, for a reason, that was meaningful and good. But for the most part I found absurdity, dogma, empty hopefulness, delusion, and apathy. The materialist might say ‘We are just a cluster of atoms and molecules that by random chance and the laws of the universe provide us with the illusion of being alive, having free will and being conscious’. The believer might say ‘All will be reconciled at the end of days … it is due to the sin of man … our true life is with God in heaven’. The buddhist might say ‘It is not but a cleanse to purify our soul and climb in the hierarchy of being if we live with virtue till we reach Nirvana (very crude and inaccurate response of the buddhist belief system). Many other traditions might add their own twist to it but at the end of the day ‘it is what it is’...‘that is life’.  Yet the question remains, how ought we to respond? How do we wrestle without human condition?
‘With God’ … that is my answer as a Christian. One day I will talk about the significance of God in the form of Jesus taking part of the human condition, thus God suffering with us, yet today we explore one practice that we ought to learn when we are struggling with our human condition: psalming to God our deep raw state of being.

I take example of Moses who is wrestling with God and his emotional tribulations as his people are cast in the wilderness after being denied the Promised Land. In this Psalm I found the same emotions that I felt at times in my life, especially whenI was battling cancer alongside many pediatric oncological patients.  

Read with me this psalm with depth and care extracting and animating the emotional layers within:

A prayer of Moses the man of God.

(Humiliation beneath God)

1 Lord, you have been our dwelling place
    throughout all generations.

2 Before the mountains were born
    or you brought forth the whole world,
    from everlasting to everlasting you are God.

(The lamentation of the struggles from the human condition)

3 You turn people back to dust,
    saying, “Return to dust, you mortals.”

4 A thousand years in your sight
    are like a day that has just gone by,
    or like a watch in the night.

5 Yet you sweep people away in the sleep of death—
    they are like the new grass of the morning:

6 In the morning it springs up new,
    but by evening it is dry and withered.

7 We are consumed by your anger
    and terrified by your indignation.

8 You have set our iniquities before you,
    our secret sins in the light of your presence.

9 All our days pass away under your wrath;
    we finish our years with a moan.

10 Our days may come to seventy years,
    or eighty, if our strength endures;
yet the best of them are but trouble and sorrow,
    for they quickly pass, and we fly away.

11 If only we knew the power of your anger!
    Your wrath is as great as the fear that is your due.

(The petition for blessings)

12 Teach us to number our days,
    that we may gain a heart of wisdom.

13 Relent, Lord! How long will it be?
    Have compassion on your servants.

14 Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love,
    that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.

15 Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us,
    for as many years as we have seen trouble.

16 May your deeds be shown to your servants,
    your splendor to their children.

17 May the favor of the Lord our God rest on us;
    establish the work of our hands for us—
    yes, establish the work of our hands.

I find this Psalm fascinating, deep and rich. Using artistic expression as a means to cope and confront one’s suffering has been a staple of the human experience. I too have taken part in such an endeavor by writing a poem (that actually got published). But a Psalm is much more than that,  it is also a call to the divine. Notice the sincerity with which  Moses describes his spirit, on the verge of the abyss. In as much as he begins with recognizing who God is and his eternal majesty (fancy words for saying that we are limited, small, and dependant, comparatively), he follows with a sequence of very strong statements that show the depth to which Moses’ heart is troubled and anguished. He even seems to accuse God for the suffering and depravity of his people. I can hardly fathom what the author must have been feeling to pronounce such words. His broken spirit is so evident even in the section where he desperately calls to God to bless him and his people in many different ways. This is total surrender. 

 (_{For those who are interested, refer to the appendix which provides  a richer commentary. During my sermon I also shared an episode of my cancer treatment period where I had to come to terms with mortality as one of my comrades in the fight against the tumor was suddenly overcome by it. I have produced many poems in which I wrestled with my pain. Some are too personal our dark but I left in appendix D a piece of poetry that I wrote and was published too.})

I shall conclude with some exhortations.
First, in toiles and suffering, even when God seems far away and distant, take example from Moses who raised his fist against Him, angry and hurt, fighting through his fervent emotions until he crumbled on his knees and surrendered to Him. In my own personal experience peace of being will come at that point. Furthermore psalms are a practice to be engaged in both in solitude but also in community which is a fundamental key aspect of going through our sufferings.

Second, note how the latter part of the Psalm is juxtaposed to the first half. Notice the blessings that he asks for: wisdom, compassion, gladness, steadfast love, gratitude and finally meaning (see appendix C for more detail). These are, in part at least, the antidotes or the response to the human condition. Our days are short, thus we live wisely, life can be brutal and merciless, thus we shall not add to it but instead spread compassion, our days are too sufferful, thus we shall treasure those of gladness… .

Truthfully, some of our pain won’t go away, regardless of the amount of psalms we pray. I shall always be haunted by the horrors that I’ve seen in that hospital. But when facing the abyss the only response is to look upward to the divine in an act of surrender. We are bound to die, we are morituri, and there is no escaping that. Life is too precious and with too much suffering to not live it with compassion, wisdom and meaning, and most importantly love. 

UPDATES

For next month my only big responsibilities are a call with a Brazilian church to talk about spirituality and suffering, and preparing a sermon for my local congregation on John 14 ‘Doing Greater Works Than Jesus’. Thus, I’ll have more time to move on with the set journey without any significant delays.

On the side, I’m working on a series called ‘The Living God’ that seeks to narrate who God is and how God reveals himself to us throughout the Bible. In this series, I’ll apply what I’ve learned up to now on deconstruction to reveal and unravel some misunderstandings of who God is and who He isn’t. 

Have a wonderful month and Live, Laugh, Love to the Max!

APPENDICES

APPENDIX A  (THE HUMAN CONDITION)

Here I leave my scheme for understanding the human condition:

FRAGILITY

Corruptibility → being susceptible to disease, hurt and brokenness at all the levels of the human essence (thus physically, mentally-emotionally, and spiritually) and overall suffering.
Mortality → begin susceptible to death.

Ephemerality → our days being short, all too short. 

FUTILITY

(Read ecclesiastes)

Insignificance → 

Ecclesiastes 1:2-4

"‘Meaningless! Meaningless!’ says the Teacher. ‘Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless.’ What do people gain from all their labors at which they toil under the sun? Generations come and generations go, but the earth remains forever."

Restlessness →

Ecclesiastes 1:8

"All things are wearisome, more than one can say. The eye never has enough of seeing, nor the ear its fill of hearing."

Ecclesiastes 6:7

"All human toil is for the mouth, yet the appetite is never satisfied."

Absurdity → 

Ecclesiastes 7:15

"In this meaningless life of mine I have seen both of these: the righteous perishing in their righteousness, and the wicked living long in their wickedness."

(Along this I add that we might toil and labor to achieve and satisfy yet one day we might be caught off in the most unexpected of ways from our pursuit and perhaps even life) 

FALLIBILITY

Frailty → being spiritually and morally weak and corruptible carrying on the sins of our fathers and mothers and of our environment.

Boundedness → being limited despite our great heart and righteous intentions

Sinfulness → malevolent nature (distinct from frailty that refers to potentiality of unrighteous desire overcoming righteous ones or just lack of knowing better)

This is a simple summary that needs greater exploration and explanation. I will seek to deliver a proper formulation on the human condition another day.

APPENDIX B - CONTEXT OF PSALM 90

Psalm 90, opening of the 4th book of the psalms and psalm attributed to Moses:

1. Attribution to Moses
   Rough recall of his life:

   1. Egyptian prince turned into exile after killing an egyptian who was brutalizing a hebrew slaves who were under egyptian oppression

   2. Burning bush and anointing as leader of God’s people, confronts the Pharaoh who relents to let his people go, the plagues, exodus (Not a simple march to freedom, Moses faced constant rebellion, complaints, and a lack of faith from the very people he was called to lead)

   3. Forty years in the wilderness, after being denied entry to the promised Land, facing the fulness of the human tragedy: Fallibility, Frailty, futility (Sinful nature, fragile and mortal nature, meaningless and insignificant nature)

[_{Rejection from the promised land:
The Lack of Faith at Kadesh Barnea (Numbers 13–14) unbelief and fear when God instructed Moses to send 12 spies to scout the land of Canaan
Rebellion Against God's Authority (Numbers 16 – Korah’s Rebellion against Moses and Aron)
Complaints and Grumbling in the Wilderness (Complaints about food and water, Golden calf incident)
Another significant incident of rebellion occurred at Baal-Peor, where the Israelites were seduced into idolatry and immorality with Moabite women.]}

2. Opening of the 4th book

The psalms have been divided in 5 books each with less or more prevalent themes regarding our relationship with God. They are generally divided in two categories : of celebration (exaltation and gratitude) and of lamentation (complaint and anger).

The Fourth Book of the Psalms is unique in its tone and themes, reflecting a shift toward God’s eternal reign and His faithfulness amid the challenges and fleeting nature of human life.

The opening of each book has great importance. 

Psalm 90 serves as an opening embracing all the themes that center on God as the dwelling place (rock, salvation) in the midst of our human condition. The following psalms leave from where this psalm left at it, exploring God’s blessings on his people. (Notice contrast between psalms in Exodus 15 glorious and triumphant, and the Song of Moses in Deuteronomy 32 of a prophetic tone where God is exalted, Israel is judged for its idolatry, warned of judgment but also deliverance.)

APPENDIX C - COMMENTARY ON PSALM 90

(Humiliation beneath God)

1 Lord, you have been our dwelling place
    throughout all generations

The dwelling place, the rock of our salvation, the locus amenus, our place of rest, where full authenticity and vulnerability are permitted, where love abounds, along with the panoply of emotions that reflect the state of our lives: joy and despair, peace and restlessness, this is who God is.
It also represents the identity of  a nation, as the physically inhabited region would represent their identity. Yet, the Jews were at the time of the Psalm desert wanderers, without a physical dwelling place but only with a spiritual one. Their identity is in God. He defines when man begins and ends. He plays the role of protector and provider.

God’s people are not defined by a physical place but by a spiritual place. Isn’t this image beautiful?

2 Before the mountains were born
    or you brought forth the whole world,
    from everlasting to everlasting you are God.

A stable place, everlasting, unchanged, faithful, eternal contrary to our lives, to our lovers, family, friends and partners, and to our physical dwelling place that are all transitory and finite. Peace, trust, and reassurance comes from the relationship we have with God. Recognizing His nature, His greatness, who He is for us.
Yet…

(The struggles of the human condition)

3 You turn people back to dust,
    saying, “Return to dust, you mortals.”

The curse of Adam, Genesis 3:19: For dust you are, and to dust you shall return.
The center of the human condition, our mortality. Death will meet us all one day. Our family, dear friends and lovers. Such knowledge is full of anguish, a deep internal sense of discomfort.. 

4 A thousand years in your sight
    are like a day that has just gone by,
    or like a watch in the night.

The second great struggle of the human condition, our insignificance, our futility. We are reminded of the opening of Ecclesiasities which wrestles with this human struggle in particular. ‘Vanity of Vanity all is Vanity… Nothing is new under the sun … We are but vapor in the wind’. This image has the power to paralyze and suffocate one’s vital spirit. 

5 Yet you sweep people away in the sleep of death—
    they are like the new grass of the morning:

6 In the morning it springs up new,
    but by evening it is dry and withered.

Again, further emphasizing aspects of the human condition: frailty , brevity, ephemerality,  and mortality. Also remember when reading, hyperbole, exaggeration and strong images prolifer the text as they seek to transmit the gravitas of the emotions that are storming Moses’ heart (like the word storming that I just used). 

7 We are consumed by your anger
    and terrified by your indignation.

8 You have set our iniquities before you,
    our secret sins in the light of your presence.

9 All our days pass away under your wrath;
    we finish our years with a moan.

These verses are hard to hear, perhaps not too relatable and in appearance brutal and cruel. But our actions have consequences even if we regard ourselves as good with honorable values (remember that we all have good values but few live them out well), our sin endures and it leaves scars. We sin against ourselves, we sin against others and others sin against us.
It is not hard to see that our world is degraded and broken. We have made massive strides in  technological advancements, which continue to be surpassed, as well as with cures for  diseases. This is also true for levels of  prosperity, and abundant in pleasures. We could even say that we are not too far from erasing the curse of Adam, of labor and mortality. Yet, we remain  morally, spiritually and existentially bankrupt. It’s not hard to see: look at all the wars, the greed, the rapes, murders, and other atrocities, the evil, the selfishness, the abuse, the betrayal, the corruption and the manipulation, all the addictions, sadness, hurt, pain, loneliness, anguish and despair. The fruit of human sin is displayed all around us. 

How does God display his wrath? By letting us have our way. Leaving us to our own destruction and dismay.  

Yet remember, also that He is compassionate and forgiving, and we find this full expression in Jesus.

10 Our days may come to seventy years,
    or eighty, if our strength endures;
yet the best of them are but trouble and sorrow,
    for they quickly pass, and we fly away.

11 If only we knew the power of your anger!
    Your wrath is as great as the fear that is your due.

In the Old Testament, the narrative has a very physical tone, in God’s manifestation, worship, covenant and so on. Yet it was in anticipation of what was fulfilled in the New Testament. Meaning that the stories, images, laws have a very physically-bound description but allude to spiritual meanings which are fully expressed  with the revelation of Jesus and the Holy Spirit through the apostles. 

It’s important to know this when reading the Old Testament and remember that Moses, along with his people, had sinned, committed idolatry, lacked faith, engaged in adultery, complained and showed unjust anger against God, and thus were prevented from entering the Promised Land.

The great deliverance from oppression to a place of rest, safety and abundance was denied. But did their sin require such brutal consequences? I believe that the archetypal meaning is as follows: if we don’t find our dwelling place first in God, we won’t find it in any physical dwelling such as our home, our significant other, our job or anything really. These are all really good things, yet they cannot be properly engaged and experienced without a prior orientation toward God, who is Good and Love in the absolute sense.  

When we read about Moses’s crushed heart and his complaint against God’s anger as ‘his’ people are suffering the consequences of their sin in the desert under dreadful conditions, it might seem too harsh. But if we read what happened to God’s people afterward. How they conquered the promised land and yet quickly turned their hearts away from Him and committed brutal acts and turned to the ways of the corrupt neighboring nations (read the book of Judges and beyond), we come to better understand why God ‘punished’ them this way. He wanted a clean and pure heart to undisputedly welcome His good ways for the full and good life.

Yet, even when we trust and obey God, our mortality is very real, the evil of man too, and our frugality all too much. 

(The petition for blessings)

12 Teach us to number our days,
    that we may gain a heart of wisdom.

In this section, Moses prays for blessings to contrast the cursed state  of the human condition. He asks for wisdom to oppose  foolishness and sin so that they do not ruin what is good and precious, and abound in the riches of true life. 

What better way to gain wisdom than through the awareness of our mortality, very much connected to fearing or revering the Lord. I plead with all of you to have a ritual  where you periodically contemplate death to remember deceased loved ones, while walking  through a graveyard and read the tombstones, contemplating life’s cycle . We need to identify what is preventing us from living a full life, heal from our brokeness and the one of others, aim toward  what is meaningful, embrace love and life.  

13 Relent, Lord! How long will it be?
 Have compassion on your servants.

This is a repetition to give greater emphasis to Moses’s  dependence on God. 

14 Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love,
    that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.

(My favorite verse) God’s unfailing love. Endless words can be written on this. 

Orienting ourselves toward the absolute (moral) sense of what is Good and Love,  allowing it to permeate  our entire being, being filled with a sense  of contentment and completeness, peace and calmness, serenity and gladness; that is  a transformative experience, early in the morning. I find there is no better practice for a good life and a life of good.
A little practical advice here is to make sure to have intimate moments  with God as well as days of fasting, and sabbath-type days dedicated to connecting with God, away from the noise and distraction, even from the responsibilities and needs of your cared ones.

15 Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us,
    for as many years as we have seen trouble.

A simple petition to provide gladness, to compensate for our suffering. Perhaps I might add that one must not take for granted those blissful days that lack worries, troubles and toils. Days of gladness are rare, especially once our youth has passed, so live them and remember them without letting little worries and worthless hurries ruin them.

16 May your deeds be shown to your servants,
    your splendor to their children.

I’m not sure what to make of this if not that Moses is purely pleading for deliverance from their dreadful situation and that he may show his great love to them. 

But in our modern setting, asking for God’s presence and manifestation is perhaps something to be prayed for as we are caught up in the hurry and business of our lives, when it is all too easy to forget God and the grand narrative of life (as we tend to be so focused on our little lives, living the ego-narrative, but more on this another day). Recognition nurtures gratitude, to make our hearts glad when we endure sufferings and to live with gladness in times of peace. 

17 May the favor of the Lord our God rest on us;
    establish the work of our hands for us—
    yes, establish the work of our hands.

This is a petition for significance, for meaning, for not to be just vapor in the wind, contrasting our futility. The repitition as a conclusion reflects the culmination of the emotional stages of the writer in a desperate surrender.

APPENDIX C - BLOOMING IN THE RAIN

(A piece of poetry I wrote after I had finished my therapies expressing the emotional voyage of going through cancer. It has been pubblished as well)