I WANT TO BREAK FREE

“For many of us the great danger is not that we will renounce our faith. It is that we will become so distracted and rushed and preoccupied that we will settle for a mediocre version of it. We will just skim our lives instead of actually living them.” - John Ortberg

In the previous newsletter, I discussed how we are living inhumane rhythms of life, which manifest in our busyness, hurryness and distractions, further driven by a multitude of forces, primarily a convolution of people pleasing, restless ambition, existential malaise and the narrative of our consumeristic society (that more is better). The global effect is the disruption of our spiritual life, emotional exhaustion, and physical depletion all with their multiple facets and nuances, i.e. restlessness, irritability, escapism and so forth, ultimately preventing us from being a person of love, peace and joy. The solution: simplicity, silence, rest.

Digital distractions play such a major role in this dehumanising epidemic, that I decided to dedicate an entire newsletter to the topic. Furthermore, these focus consuming forces, bridge very nicely the next big topic of this year (gotta read to the end to discover what it is!). Lastly, these recent months I’ve had on my heart to cure my unhealthy relationship on digital screens, since they have wreaked havoc in my life rather than provide value. I hope when you read this, you won’t roll your eyes and think you are being given another rant on how screens are bad for you. I encourage you to seriously reconsider your relationship with the digital, and take steps to take control over it. I know that for some what I will write is mere repetition, basic very well known knowledge, yet perhaps struggle on actually taming their screen usage. You probably have tried, like me, again and again to do something about it, but failed or didn’t get that far. I provide some practical steps at the end for this purpose, even if I too struggle to implement them. Unfortunately, I have not fully committed yet, deceiving myself that eventually better circumstances will come that will allow me to give my whole strength to this, and more, objective. This newsletter serves also for … the world… to keep  me accountable. I want to break free from the cycle. I want to have my focus again. I want to feel human and not a cyborg hybrid. I want to connect with others, my emotions, thoughts and God undisturbed. I want to live my days, few or many, with intentionality free of distraction, and full of vitality.

BRAIN STEW

“He is most free who is most master of himself.” — Seneca

Let me lay out some facts.
We are living in an attention economy. Silicon Valley capitalizes on your focus, investing billions of dollars every year in scientific research to build algorithms and features on their sites and apps that will exploit your psycho-fiscal traits to captivate your mind.
We are living in a post-modernist, post-God, liberal hedo-humanistic (humanism, man is the author of morality, which happens to be centered around pleasure), capitalistic and consumeristic (MORE IS BETTER), pueristic (wanna be young forever) society.
Give a phone, a very recent new technology that is definitely not amoral, promising wonders and miracles, hiding all the possible negative consequences, to a young naive generation and their parents and this is what happens:

• Time stolen from the important (causing procrastination, numbness)

• Disconnection from real life (disrupts attention flow with our purpose and others)

• Social crippling (our social dynamics have been damaged more than we understand)w

• Inflated desire + comparison epidemic + insecurity (r.i.p. gratitude and confidence)

• Overflow of information and false narratives (truth, or the important truth, is obsolete)

• Dependency (Without our phone we feel we can’t get out of the house)

• Promotes laziness (embrace comfort, we watch people live life rather than living it ourselves)

• Brain stew (dopamine overflow, quality and quantity focus, degenerate content, sleep deprivation)

• Discombobulation (Quiet, rest, good boredom, silence, and solitude are non existent)

The result of all of these symptoms? Mental illness proliferation, people missing out on life, relationships half lived, productivity down the drain, and so much more. I could probably write an entire newsletter on each point and more, including neuroscience, psychology and other relevant disciplines but right now, I simply want to appeal to your conscience. Maybe you have more control, but I bet you’re experiencing some of what I mentioned. Let me ask: Do you not feel human at times?

Our phones are so integrated into our daily tasks, all the time, from morning to evening. We go to bed next to it, after a conscience ‘this isn’t great for me’ scroll, and wake up checking messages or the news. We mindlessly scroll as we have breakfast. We listen to music or a podcast while we are going to work on a bus where everybody has their neck bent and ears covered. We quickly scroll through our notifications whenever we feel the slightest hint of boredom, losing the flow of whatever we were doing. We will gladly avoid any possibly awkward social interaction, like a colleague we don’t know at all, or moments of silence in a group. Then, we go home  to ‘rest’ by gazing like a zombie at a larger screen to go to bed repeating the cycle. Any glimpse of real life, like a random encounter with a friend, or a really fun party, are quickly taken away as our eyes are immersed in a sea of bright light to fill empty moments which were meant to allow us to absorb what had just happened, but we are too quickly unentertained. Instances of spiritual connection, inspiration, dreaming, good intentions, rapidly fade away to the vibration in our pocket that notifies us that we can kill our focus again. At the end, feeling more empty or captive than anything else most of the time.
Am I the only one who has experienced this? Do you not not feel human?

WHERE IS MY MIND
“This new normal of hurried digital distraction is robbing us of the ability to be present. Present to God. Present to other people. Present to all that is good, beautiful, and true in our world. Even present to our own souls.” - The Ruthless elimination of hurry by JMC

I believe that my phone has been one of the greatest instruments of havoc in my life, posing a threat to my spiritual, emotional and physical wellbeing and stability.
Let me get vulnerable.

My journey with computers and phones started when I was young, with family movie nights. I remember how much I would get invested in those movies, feeling and expressing such intense emotions, especially when the movie ended ahah. The joy of youthful creative empathetic mind… I miss it (dreamy Max emoji).
Then I encountered video games through my dad’s cell phones, PC and PlayStation (FIFA, Lego Starwars, Call of duty, Clash of Clans were my favourite). As soon as I was given my own computer and phone they took over my life. I only wanted to play these games (the amount of fights with my parents because of this… insane). On top of these, I was also very invested in cartoons like Dragon Ball, Pokémon, Phineas and Ferb, and a few programmes like Master Chef. When Social Media, such as YouTube and Instagram came along the TV became an obsolete instrument.
As my childhood wonder disappeared, my addiction to digital entertainment increased. Sleep deprivation, missed friendships, anger issues, dissatisfaction with life, bad grades came along. To my deep regret, I was also introduced to pornographic and pseudo-erotic content, which eventually became one of my worst demons. The destructive consequences of my  encounter with this monster are too many to include in this newsletter, they might find their place in another one. In short, even if now the struggle is different as I am much more in control, I still deal with unhealthy coping mechanisms, the sexualization of my brain, having my head full of disturbing images, lots of sleepless nights full of shame and regret, and much more.
Allow me to expand on one of the more lethal poisons that infected my soul: Social Media. I was too young, immature and naive when I first had access to it. My social skills and status were still developing, and in need of a lot of work, my sense of worth was too brittle, my eyes too undisciplined, my sense of purpose undefined and weak. I was full of insecurities and already partially addicted to screens. It’s hard to pinpoint the exact results of my unrestricted usage of Whatsapp, Instagram and so on, but I’m pretty sure it took away more than it gave. In the end it only provided me with easy fake connection, numbness, insecurity, laziness, hurt, dissatisfaction, addiction, … just a lesser version of life.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Our digital instruments are such a powerful tool. They have brought a lot to my life. I learned how to cook, photography, philosophy, I stay connected to my friends, I watch spectacular movies, and more — yet I find myself writing these words with a quenched soul. I can recall in my mind in a fast and erratic sequence glimpses of their destructiveness in my life. Even if things are different today, after many years of battling with these demons, I feel like I am still under their rule. Regardless of my awareness or attempts to do better. 

NOTHING ELSE MATTERS
“The soul which has no fixed purpose in life is lost; to be everywhere, is to be nowhere.” — Seneca

The causes of our digital discombobulation are many. To our misfortune, they are decorated by a positive feedback loop, which means the cause produces an effect that only corroborates the cause to intensify the cycle. Hurry, exhaustion, early child exposure, mere bad habits, clever algorithms are some. Yet, I discern a primordial one, often alluded to but never outright declared, nevertheless of utmost importance: a disconnection from an intentional life of purpose. A crippling existential nihilistic malaise crawls into many people’s souls, suffocating their very will to live life fully, and leaving them gasping for anything that could end such atrocious pain, turning to the easiest, strongest, most numbing, fake existential comfort we have: our screens. Indeed, when we are lacking a sense of purpose, not at a cosmological level necessarily, but a daily level too (of course the former permeates the latter), the inner vacuum screams to be filled. Human kind has invented many ‘fake comforts’ (referred to means through escapist behaviour, often from a dissatisfied or painful life) or ‘fake fillers’ which will temporarily satisfy the existential vacuum, which will growl for more food like Dante’s lust wolf. Our screens are one of these. Ironically, they are the very thing that exacerbates this meaningless corroding force.

Let me be more clear, dropping the chain of fancy words and illusive images. When we don’t live our life with purpose, we live a life of pleasure and comfort. Nowadays, the easiest and most normalized way of doing things is our digital entertainment. When we don’t live a life of intention, we live a life of glittery distractions. When we don’t know what to do with our time, we turn on our screens and forget about the rest. We don’t feel the sense of urgency and gratitude for being alive and having the ability to enjoy people, art, adventure, … or whatever it is that means being fully alive to you. Instead, we binge watch, scroll and chat. Then we get overstimulated, our neurocircuitry is fried, our sleep worsens, our brain dulls, the spirit in our soul becomes a whisper not a fierce wind of vitality, and life just doesn’t look so bright and colourful anymore.
The sad thing is that it’s so hard to notice it at times because we are so used to it. We are disconnected, discombobulated and it’s so hard to get back on track. Our standard for what our life and relationships should look like is so low. Not only our focus gets crippled, but it also has been forcefully shifted on frivolous things too. Our relationship with the digital ultimately, for most of us, discombobulates our soul-focus from living a full, present, intentional life.

RESISTANCE
The cost of something is the amount of what I will call life which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run. - Thoreau in Walden

How do we resist this powerful technology, so full of wonder and convenience, yet  seldom more giving than it is destructive?

I still want to videocall with my brother at random, instantly communicate with my friends to organize our next big event, watch free lectures on mathematics and physics, entertain myself with movies and climbing videos when I want to relax, listen to music when I’m feeling groovy, use navigation maps to go to the same places that I always forget where they are, share beautiful memories with friends and family, publish this Newsletter and much more, which wouldn’t be possible without these almost magical devices. All these things bring value to our lives and some seem almost non negotiable. But if I don’t want to be under the rule of doomscrolling, frenetic notification checking, sleep deprivation, constant distraction, pornographic and pseudo erotic stimulation, comfort induced laziness, I must be ready to make some sacrifices.

The first big step is a radical change in perspective by embracing a new philosophy that envelops technology and your time (what I’ve alluded to so far and the quote above). Next, the  philosophy must be applied by constructing rules and reasons for the usage of digital screens and - not an easy task at all - there must be accountability. Finally, and most importantly, actions need to be taken to counter the side effects of technology, so that we can live a life of intention.

Here is what I (try to) do:

Philosophy:
(The cost of something is the amount of what I will call life which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run)

• Technology is not neutral and it is designed to exploit my physiological mechanisms

• Most of its damage is not in the immediate consequence, but the gradual accumulative effects: the clutter is the problem

• I will only use technology meticulously, choosing only that which fosters value in my life

Rules:

• Schedule: Phone off from 20:00–8:00 & whenever I’m with people (especially at school)

• Traveling: If I can, I’ll leave my phone at home when I go to class (no music, yes, sucks, but my mind is clear), sometimes it’s boring, but prayer, reading and meditating suffice

• Instagram: 15 min per week, one day, next to a friend who can enforce it

• Videogames: only with other people (exception: Super mario bros from browser, when in the bathroom eheh)

• TV: Only with other people, I watch movies or TV series only if I really want to watch them, if they are good (not just to waste some time)

• WhatsApp: Check 3 times a day (unless I’m communicating with someone for a meeting or for organizing something), no long conversations , just quick information . Conversations take place either by phone or person [tbh this is the hardest]

• Blockers: A friend has the password of an app that helps enforce some of these rules and filter any unwanted content

Counteractions:

• Enforced time of reflection and initiation:

  • A morning prayer to connect with the purpose of the higher and the day

  • 15 min of gratitude, growth, grind evening reflection (what I’m grateful for, where I could’ve done better today, and what I want and need to do tomorrow)

  • Moments of solitude and silence weekly

• Intentional scheduling

  • My time throughout the day and week is sketched out, I have an idea of what I need and want to do for every slot of my day

  • My leisure time is very intentional. Nothing is left to chance, so as not to let boredom give way to my digital addictions. Now, I do so many cool things: learn an instrument, get my driving license, read many books, hang out a lot with friends and more.

  • I always have big projects going on to stimulate and occupy my mind (you don’t have to do what I do, but I think having big adventures or project to work on for months or a year is really important to be motivated and less easily distracted)

I’m far from perfect, but this new approach has really changed  the quality and outlook of my life. Living a life of intention has been curing the existential nihilism I alluded to in the previous newsletters and here as well that, especially us boys, feel so often. Yet, I know it’s not so easy to just make it go away. Surely, whether our digital distractions are the chicken or the egg, they play an important role feeding the disease. This  vitally corruptive force, which I have wrestled with my whole life, will be the object of the discourse in my newsletters this coming year..

Today, I feel human again.
I feel connected to others, myself and the principles I want to live by. I feel in control. I feel God. I feel focused. I feel emotions. I no longer have crippling anxieties and insecurities. I feel alive.
But, that’s only till I don’t, because I slip back into the same habits. And it sucks. When that happens, I feel languor and meaninglessness invading my soul, or I just feel yucky and discouraged by my own self sabotage. I know that whether I just doomscrolled for a few hours or worse, I must get back up, and commit again, without compromises or excuses, ask help, and once again truly seek the extraordinary sense of vitality that comes from.
There is nothing more human than that.

WHAT’S NEXT FOR THE NEWSLETTER

After 1 year of trial and error, trying to find my own style and process of writing, expression and presentation for this newsletter, I have finally reached great satisfaction with my result. Here is a little presentation:

It starts with a problem in my life.

I find some books on it, usually 3 or 4, and read them with the occasional auxiliary contribution of podcasts and youtube videos.

I think about it, and start writing. I bring it up in conversations with random people and wise friends to gain insights and new perspectives. Then before publishing I ask my mom to proofread it (thanks mama) to perfect my imperfect English.

Every newsletter is characterized by the same features:

Main title - The key word of the NL

Subtitle - the theme of the NL

Thumbnail - a picture that I took either while writing the NL, or from a story narrated in it

Chapter Titles - they are taken from song titles, in some way connected to what I write below them (and I report title and author at the end of the NL, as a sort of game if you got the ref.)

Quote - below every chapter I insert a quote from a book that I read for the NL that inspired or enriches the text below

Chapters - I try to make it as vulnerable and authentic as possible, ensembling personal storytelling and didactic explanation, inspiration, all meanwhile making it humorous when possible, deep, thought through, well written, relatable, and raw (which is disrupted by the need of editing) [I don’t use ChatGPT, only for quick research if I have to]

I hope this makes you appreciate these newsletters a bit more.

I would also like to add all of this content on substack, and perhaps even make some related videos on Insta.

Let me know what you think of this :)

At the beginning of September, I celebrated the 1st anniversary  of this newsletter. It’s been quite a year. I have definitely lived it to the max, having a lot of fun, traveling, delighting in many friendships, working hard, but also making many mistakes, feeling broken and hopeless, and learning to get up and keep going to become stronger, because that is what living to the max is.
I can look back and smile at my  personal growth achieved thus far,  even if unexpectedly painful and tribulated. I actually learned and am learning to live out the moral and practical implications of my newsletters. I’m very content with the amount of knowledge and wisdom I intellectually gained, and hope to integrate fully in my life. I also had the opportunity to have amazing and deep conversations with many friends and family. A big topic that emerged from these surrounded the topic of the meaninglessness of life. So, my next chapter in this journey will be the purpose, meaning and absurdity of life.

It fits very well. I started with the initiation of the endeavor (NL 1: THE PURSUIT OF THE GOOD LIFE), my attempt to grasp the meaning of ‘the good life’, to then introduce the first part of the quest: Deconstruction (NL 2: Reconstructionism). In which I described my hope to go through the abyss of deconstruction as a means to verify the worldview through which I approach the problem of the good life. In the next 4 newsletters (NL3: MORITURI, NL 4: GRATITUDE. NL 5: DESIRE, NL 6: HURRINESS) I attempted to describe the importance to conquer your focus, what you pay attention to, where your eyes gaze upon, what you value, in relation to living a prosperous life and the possible causes or conditions that promote, what I call, abrupt deconstruction. A term signifying a type of deconstruction lacking intellectual honesty or emotional stability or spiritual health for which results in leaving one’s faith hurting, damaging relationships and often embracing a not so prosperous way of life. And now, the meaninglessness of life. Focus and the latter are strictly related. Depending on what you gaze upon, your values and perspective, life can seem incredibly worth living, or not.

I alluded and mentioned this topic in my newsletters, most explicitly the last one which served as a sort of bridge. It’s quite a sensitive topic for me, but so relevant in the world, among young men and to this very journey of mine, I just have to open Pandora’s box. I’m quite uncertain where this part of my journey will bring me, but I’m sure it won’t be lacking in emotional and intellectual depth. I will walk through abysses that I’ve not explored in a long time, which mere memory glooms my heart and suffocates my heart’s smile. Hopefully, this deep dive into these cold, dark, vast waters will conclude not in my drowning in despair and anguish, but in an Enlightened serenity and permeating irradiating joy. If not out of my own strength, out of the abundant deep love of the many around me. Indeed, no matter the discovery of what crawls in the creeps of the existential abyss, the love that I know for and from my friends, family, life itself, will keep from never stopping to … 

                                                                     Live Laugh Love to the Max

DISCOGRAPHY

I want to break free - Queens 

Brain stew - Green Day

Nothing else Matters - Metallica 

Where is my mind - Pixies

Resistance - Muse

BIBLIOGRAPHY

Digital Minimalism: Choosing a Focused Life in a Noisy World — Cal Newport

The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry — John Mark Comer

Dopamine Nation - Anna Lembke